Hello!
I am sorry I have been so quiet for the past couple of years. I have been through some major life changes, and I have been struggling with my mental health. For that reason I have felt rather uninspired and unable to offer anything that would help anyone else out there.
But I wanted to tell you about my current grief. When close family members pass away it leaves an enormous hole in your heart that feels like it could never be filled. But when you have mental health problems on top of that it is truly distressing.
I know from my past that I can’t always tell if something is real or not. When you can’t trust yourself to know the truth, you wake up with a glimmer of hope. For just a little while you believe they may just be alive. Then, after you look into it again you realise they really are gone. And it is like getting punched in the pit of your stomach over and over and over again. Every day you wake up and feel the pain anew.
I am not sure when this stops yet. I am still dealing with it so I can’t offer magic solutions if you happen to feel the same way. All I can say is the thing with a constant pain is that you can learn to live with it. Some days hurt more than others. But it does ease as you get used to the pain. So keep on putting one foot in front of the day. That way you make it through that minute, that hour, that day, that week… Eventually… I guess you make it through life.
Keep it up! Lots of love, Hayley
Laments of a Loon 