Holding on to the pain.


Letting go of something hurtful is really difficult. When we are in pain we need time to process what has happened, and we need time to come to terms with it. However, it is often harder than it looks. Talking does help people process what happens, and bottling things up only leads to more pain.

There is a point when talking about it does more harm than good. It sounds contradictory I know. Talking about it gets you sympathy from your friends and family… but if you refuse to let it go when it is time, the only thing you will get is more pain. We can upset ourselves by constantly bringing it up and thinking of it. By doing that we don’t allow ourselves to move on. Holding on to anger, upset, pain and bad memories leaves you constantly in a highly emotional state.

We have emotions to help us cope with the bad bits, to help us prepare for fight or flight moments, let us know how much we love someone. They are only meant to be temporary, otherwise we couldn’t cope with anything. Holding on to negative emotions has an effect on the whole body. Stress can be very dangerous if you hold on to it for too long. It can even cause heart attacks.  As hard as it is, people that let go of their emotions are able to return to normal. Holding on to them leaves you upsetting yourself  instead of loving and looking after yourself.

Here is list of a few emotions and how they help:

LOVE: Love keeps us from murdering our children when they cry for the 14th time that night and you need to be up early. Love is bearing the worst bits of your partner just so you can see the best bits.

ANGER: Anger protects us by getting the adrenalin going and helping you with your fight or flight situation. It also keeps our moral compass pointing in the right direction.

FEAR: It might not feel very nice but fear is a very helpful emotion. It helps you keep yourself safe via hyper-vigilance… meaning you make sure you are aware of everything that is going on around you… that way there are no surprises.

GUILT: Guilt is another important emotion. It shows both our conscience and our moral compass are working, and making you feel bad for whatever you did means you wont do it again. It is like a disciplinary emotion that makes you want to do the right thing.

EMPATHY: Empathy is a lovely emotion. It helps create a strong bond and can help lots of people. Being able to understand what someone has been through can drag up some bad memories, but it can also reassure people that it does get better in time and they will be okay. Sometimes that is all they need to hear.

CONTENT: This has got to be the best emotion out there. Feeling content really is a blessing. When you feel good enough to want things to carry on exactly as they are, you are content.

That’s all for now, I will do a more comprehensive list later.

This blog entry is a tribute to my gorgeous sister, who is struggling to let go at the moment. I sincerely hope she is able to let go, move on, and create the life she always wanted. She is stronger than she thinks and moving on will allow her to continue with her wedding plans and focus on that rather than the emotions.


One thought on “Holding on to the pain.

  1. Pingback: Dealing with loss | Laments of a Loon

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