In the past month or so, I have received 3 enquiries asking for advice on how many tablets it would take to kill them, or asking for advice on how to obtain vast amounts of tablets when the shops can only sell them 2. I have also had a few messages trying to engage me in some sort of one-upmanship. They mention they have had X amount of tablets, and then they ask me what my largest overdose was. This happens a lot, and I never get involved. Why? Because I wouldn’t want to give someone the idea that they can take X amount of tablets and survive. You would not believe how many suicides are accidental.
This terrifies me.
People see ‘overdoses’ on the soaps and in films etc. In those stories, the person trying to commit suicide is found just in the nick of time, and lots of people come and cry over them hoping they will pull through.
So, here is my viewpoint on the matter. Firstly, your friends and family will be cross with you. Why? Because you just tried to ruin the rest of their lives. I hope you don’t want them to trust you again. They wont. You want some dignity? Forget it. If you are one of the lucky few, you will get a sympathetic nurse who will try her best to help you. She will chase up the psych team for you. Do not fool yourself, however. Most of the staff don’t want you there. They want to treat people with real problems, not self inflicted ones. That means that if you are lucky enough to have your stomach pumped, you can forget about gentle. They may well force it down hard enough that you will cough blood for a few days.
Then there is your friends. Yes, you might still have one or two, but not for long. They will get sick and tired of phoning an ambulance whenever you mention the slightest of ailments, such as a headache. They never know any more whether it was an overdose or normal aches and pains.
That is just the tip of the iceberg, and I will elaborate further in the future. In my next post which will be published shortly, I will explain what an overdose is really like. So, you have taken loads of overdoses. You know the score. The risks have been drilled into your head, yet none of them apply to you. I hope you don’t think stopping the overdosing and attending therapy will save you. If you are very lucky, you might be able to walk away with a few mental scars. Worst case scenario applies to me. I overdosed on and off for about a decade. I moved from once or twice a week to once or twice a year. My last one was April this year.
I have had regular liver function tests for years, and they always came out normal. I was told I had been lucky this time but might not be next time. Everything was fine until a few months ago when I discovered I have cirrhosis of the liver. That is usually found in alcoholics that have been drinking all their lives.
Perhaps I am not invincible. Perhaps my parents were right. Perhaps ‘karma’ really exists.
IF YOU FEEL LIKE OVERDOSING, PLEASE, PLEASE CHECK OUT MY CRISIS BOX. I WILL BE MAKING THEM TO SELL IN THE NEAR FUTURE, BUT THE LINK GIVES YOU TIPS ON HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN.